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Archive for November, 2010

Don’t tell me what you believe in.
I’ll observe how you behave and I will make my own determination.
-Alex Trebek

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A failure establishes only this:
that our determination to succeed was not strong enough.
-Christian Nestell Bovee

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I did a video about this topic, and will be following up with an article soon:
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=164022403626590

Ask me anything

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SHE’S HERE!
Kahlan Athena Walters born 10:10 am on 11/11!
9 lbs 6 oz 21 inches long!

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Dealing with negative emotions or delusions when they are present is most effective, but the situation does not always allow us to sit down and look inwards. When everything fails during the actual situation; learn from your mistakes by “sitting on them”.
One of the main things is to intensely try to relive the situation again, usually the emotion will come up automatically.
Later, one can do an analytical meditation to find out where the emotion comes from, whether it is valid and correct, or if we prefer to think and act differently next time. As with all analytical meditations, do not accept your first answer to any of the questions, but search for a second and third underlying reasons.
To the end of the analysis, try to make a brief summary for yourself and make a very short conclusion: like: “no answer, need to do more analysis” or: “I must learn to control my anger” – any conclusion is valid.
Next, try to take one or two minutes to intensely focus on your conclusion: do not analyse it further, just “look at it”. This will help to actually change our mind and to make decisions.

The following steps are merely general guidelines, feel free to improvise, but try to follow the general idea.

1. Sit relaxed with a straight back, breathe deeply a few times and start breathing with the belly.
2. Set your motivation for the session, for example:

May all living beings be equanimous, free from attachment, anger and prejudice.
May all living beings be happy and have the causes for future happiness.
May all living beings be free from suffering and the causes for suffering.
May they never be separate from the ultimate happiness, free from all suffering.

3. Concentrate on the tip of your nose, feel the breath going in and out. At every out-breath count 1, and count from 1 to 10. When you come at 10, simply start at 1 again. Focus all attention on the tip of the nose and the counting. (some 5 minutes)
4. Release the counting and the concentration on the tip of the nose.
5. Try to relive the situation and bring up the emotion.
6. How do I feel, how does my body feel? Tension? – breathe and relax, create space for a solution or response.
7. Where do I feel this emotion, where does it come from and where does it go?
8. Do I get stuck in mental circles, going over the same thought over and over again?
9. How does the other person feel? Does the other just want to be happy, like me?
10. Does emotional reaction help?
11. Is it fair to put all the blame on the other person?
12. How would I have reacted when being in the situation of the other?
13. Think about the irony of being angry about feeling angry, guilty about feeling guilty, afraid about feeling afraid.
14 . Am I often troubled by this emotion? Recognising old emotional patterns is the first step to changing them.
15. Learn to accept and befriend the confused or negative emotion: smile to yourself and admit: aah, anger! Ooh, fear! Yes, guilt…
16 . Practise to change your emotional response:

Facing anger; practise compassion, patience and self-confidence
Facing attachment: look at the disadvantages and temporariness
Facing uncertainty: forgive yourself for being human
Facing fear; practise relaxation and mentally give away whatever is threatened to be taken
Facing greed; practise gratitude for what you have
Facing jealousy; practise rejoicing in others’ fortune
Facing pride; practise humility, equanimity and real self-confidence
Facing guilt: act instead of regret
Facing other’s pain: gather some courage and allow it to tear your heart open! Have compassion for their suffering and frustrations. Also have compassion for your own helplessness and frustrations.
Facing others’ cruelty or rudeness: remember they can only act that way because they suffer themselves.
Facing any negative emotion by myself or others: the quicker I can recognise my own negative emotional patterns, the better I will be able to avoid these actions myself.

17. Take a few minutes to review the meditation session so far, and try to reach a one line simple conclusion.
18. Now concentrate very strongly on the conclusion without thinking about it, just focus on your feelings.
19. Relax and dedicate the positive energy of the session:

By the positive energy of this session:
May all living beings be equanimous, free from attachment, anger and prejudice.
May all living beings be happy and have the causes for future happiness.
May all living beings be free from suffering and the causes for suffering.
May they never be separate from the ultimate happiness, free from all suffering.

Thank you!

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Better to illuminate than merely to shine,
to deliver to others contemplated truths than merely to contemplate.
-Thomas Aquinas

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I’m going to post something special, tomorrow; but for now let me give you the quick updates:
The baby isn’t here yet, but she’ll 100% be here by this time next week!

And, that thing I asked everyone to pray for HAPPENED!
So things are getting better and better all the time; I’ll tell you the whole story tomorrow, I * promise *

And, everyone in North America remember to set your clocks back an hour tomorrow night!

And remember:
Never give up, never give up, never ever ever give up.

B. Dave Walters
*National* Spirituality Column:
http://su.pr/8nfJgO
Relationships Column: http://su.pr/31ml0X
http://www.google.com/profiles/bdavewalters

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